Coping with change
This is a preview to the chapter Coping with change from the book Career in Your Suitcase by Jo Parfitt.
Please note this text is copyright protected.
A well-known rating system measures the amount of stress a person has experienced over the course of a year by assigning a certain number of points to several dozen common life events. The more points accumulated, the more likely you are to suffer from physical illness and emotional deterioration. Some of the events on the lengthy list are ‘positive’, such as marriage and having a child, while others would widely be considered ‘negative’ – losing a job or landing in jail, for example. Relocation, which can have both positive and negative features, ranks third in the number of stress points earned, following hard on the heels of the death of a close relative and divorce.
Whether stress-inducing events on the list are considered positive or negative, they all share a common feature – all involve change, a change in personal circumstances. It’s not just that negative events are stressful, but that change itself makes heavy demands on our coping resources.
The concept of ‘managing’ change may be a misnomer. It’s not as though we can manage change to the point of eliminating its sometimes painful and undesired effects on our life. Managing change is rather like herding cats – even the best of intentions and maximum effort do not guarantee pleasing, much less perfect, results.
So, by managing change we don’t mean conquering or nullifying it, but facing it with courage and openness and thus using it to further our own growth and betterment. The external events that affect our lives may sometimes be desirable and sometimes not. The feelings these events elicit may be pleasurable or painful. But whether our management of change has a positive or negative affect on our lives depends on whether or not we integrate it into our lives in a way that enhances our personal, emotional and spiritual advancement.
Relocation and Change
Relocation is one of the most common and also disruptive sources of change in contemporary life. We have so accepted moving as a routine feature of our global society that we often forget how emotionally exhausting and challenging it can be. But to appreciate the stress caused by relocating we don’t have to mine any source of knowledge more sophisticated than our own common sense and experience:
- It’s hard work – the selling or renting of a house, securing housing in the new location, packing and transporting family goods and the endless but necessary tasks of ‘settling in’. This is to name just a fraction of the nerve wracking logistical details that accompany relocation.
- If there are children, they need extra attention of various kinds, depending on their age and the nature of the move.
- It is a time of saying goodbye to friends and to familiar and beloved places – a time, in other words, of loss.
- The entire family needs to adjust to everything being different in the new location.
- Nearly every aspect of common family life changes: daily routines, schools, community associations, friendships, even the physical landscape.
- Communicating with people who speak another language.
- Adjusting to the myriad differences in every day life.
- Learning native customs and manners.
- Discovering how public entities and organisations work, from the library to the police force, from the food store to the traffic authority.
- For the expatriate partner: finding fulfilling vocational and non vocational pursuits.
The partner, on the other hand, is initially both more isolated and more exposed. She has no band of colleagues with whom to huddle – but as the captain of family logistics, she interacts daily with a world dismayingly unlike the one she came from. She may not have her work, so there may be no refuge there. On the contrary, she may have resigned from a fulfilling position back home and feel partly the victim of the corporate advancement practices of her husband’s company. For these reasons, the challenges posed by international relocation changes are often unusually stressful.
Change and stress go together. How many people have we heard say, ‘I just love change; it’s so relaxing’? External events don’t themselves produce stress. But they do trigger a cluster of feelings that constitute stress. Stress consists of an unruly combination of strong and unprocessed feelings, usually including anger, fear and anxiety. When these feelings run around in our systems untamed they consume nearly all our energy, to the point of interfering with our daily life and perhaps to the point of overwhelming us.
But we don’t need to be a hapless victim of change and its emotional byproducts. Our key question, then, is this: How do we manage all the changes of relocation, especially international relocation, in a way that enriches, rather than diminishes, our lives? You can find many tips on handling stress in Chapter Eight.
‘In a country like Egypt you need to have unlimited reserves of patience, as things simply don’t happen overnight or in the way you expect. Whatever your time-line is, it’ll be best to double it! It’s also crucial to have someone who has the ability to speak the language, preferably a local, as misunderstandings are inevitable if you do business in English only.’
Diane, Canadian in England, www.expatwomen.com
Change and transition
William Bridges, an organisation psychologist who has studied and written on how people react to change, differentiates between change and transition. Change consists of external events, while transition is the set of internal processes we go through in adjusting to change.
and all the others, when you
buy Career in Your Suitcase
What else is in the chapter 'Coping with change'?
Change always begins with an ending, sometimes one that we don’t recognise at the time. But when we move from one location to another it’s hard for the ending to ...
The neutral zone
This period occupies the middle stage of transition; it begins with the departure from the old home and extends into the initial period of resettlement. Its duration varies anywhere from ...
Veteran movers learn that the unpacking of their belongings scarcely concludes their relocation. Experience teaches them that it takes six to nine months to acclimatise fully to their new world. ...
Expatriate Partners – Their Special Situation
We often can’t control events, but we can plan for what we want to do when we encounter them. Our focus in this book, of course, is on career, employment ...
The challenge of change
To paraphrase the international bestselling psychiatrist, M Scott Peck, change is difficult. Whether it is changing ourselves or adjusting to changes in external circumstances, our relationship with change engages our ...