Don't Tell Me What To Do: A Spiritual Memoir
Just kill me now, LORD! I'd rather be dead than alive, because nothing I predicted is going to happen. – Jonah 4:3

What does 'Love' mean?

Find out what Love means. Love is explained by Ron Alexander - author of Don't Tell Me What To Do: A Spiritual Memoir

Love

I stepped into the chapel where I was able to see the casket surrounded by flowers. I wanted to run out the door. I wasn't sure that I could go through with this, yet I wanted to know if he was really dead, if it was actually his body lying in the casket.

I was still angry that he had never told me the truth about himself. He had done everything could for me, except telling me the truth about which man I should thank or hate for what I had become.

Voices talked in my head. I chewed on another piece of brownie, hoping to rebuke the noise screaming at me in my head, demanding that I go up to the coffin, while another voice, maybe my own, pleaded with me to run out the door. My legs wobbled as I approached and stood transfixed before the coffin. I dug my feet into the thick carpet to anchor myself. My eyes locked onto the face of the dead body. I was astounded that the facial expression looked so relaxed and natural. I searched for familiar features that would tell me that this was him, not just someone who resembled him. The full lips which framed his signature laugh and smile were there.

The close cropped, shiny, wavy black hair was also there. My God, he's really dead! The voices in my head fell silent, My mind riveted back to the time that I nearly shot him. I would never learn why he loved me, why he took care of me long after the divorce from my mother. I had never apologized for stealing the gun. Yet, even then, he didn’t give up on me. I couldn't bring myself to mourn or cry for him. Why cry for him when I was unable to shed a tear for the lousy life I was living. I was sorry that he had died, but regretted even more that I was still living. I needed his guidance, his wisdom, for him to reassure me.

I turned from his body walked to my car. I decided to skip the funeral. I saw no purpose in mourning with my family. There was still the matter of the stolen car I was driving. What sense would it make for me to hang around and run the risk of being busted. I made the decision to go back to Kathy and Massachusetts. I cranked the engine and pulled off.



Search result for 'Love' in Don't Tell Me What To Do: A Spiritual Memoir

"...Love “Lawdy, Lawdy, I’s don't know what's wrong with me tonight but I's hoping to live to see another day if that's what yo' wont,” she said. “My body and my head aches, my bones aches, I's feeling soo' light ..."

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107.
"... I still Loved and admired my father, but I knew I could no longer trust what he told me. I vowed that one day I would search for an answer that wouldn't require me asking either him or my mother for the truth. If they wanted me to know the truth, they would have already told me. ..."

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"...Loveather was probably now in New London, explaining away my demonstration as being trivial and meaningless as I drove back to Philly. My car barely makes. I limped into Philly discouraged and disillusioned, tired and hungry. Where to go, who to turn to, was the burning question I couldn't answer. ..."
"...Love I picked her up at the entrance of the college. “Nice car,” she said as I drove to her apartment complex. Reaching her building, I parked and she invited me in. The one-bedroom apartment ..."
"...Lovehtless. Everything in the room began to float around me. Miriam, glowing like an apparition, was laughing loudly. Her nipples grew larger, her face contorted as she grabbed hold of me, pulling me to her, tightly hugging me, then squeezing me between ..."
"...Loveclose cropped, shiny, wavy black hair was also there. My God, he's really dead! The voices in my head fell silent, My mind riveted back to the time that I nearly shot him. I would never learn why he Loved me, why he took ..."

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"...Love I felt different, like an aberrant, when I compared myself to other black students. I hadn't walked down the traditional road to reach Quinnipiac University. Even though I now had a high school diploma, ..."

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79.
"... University in Oakbrook Illinois, outside of Chicago. I Loved fast pace environment I worked in. I was proud to represent the largest fast food chain in the world. I fashioned myself into becoming the polished professional I always wanted to become. I continued to write occasional ..."
"...Love1958, the year that I last stood in this cemetery, I was nearly nine years old and too young to understand that this old woman--who beat the hell out of me, Loved me, fed and clothed me--died and ..."
"...Lovemayor's every move. The adjustment didn't come easily. All of my life, I been able to do anything I felt big enough to do without a concern or worry who was watching. Now, I was working in a job that required being self-conscious, aware and careful of how ..."

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"...Love I had watched the coffin being lowered into the ground I had stood off to the side observing the indifference and speed of the gravediggers’ work, ..."

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Grave
Sleeping Giant Mountain
Restless
Acid
Love
Sex
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