The Global Nomad's Guide to University Transition


This is a list of how often and where the term 'parents' appears in the book The Global Nomad's Guide to University Transition.

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"...Some of you may have heard these interchangeable terms before and know a little or a lot about their profile. Others of you may be hearing for the first time that you have a name. Sociologists call people who grow up outside their parents’ home culture or cultures global nomads (GNs) or third culture kids (TCKs). Whatever your case may be, this book is designed for you and for this particular stage in your life because your global experiences have created benefits and challenges you can build on and grow from as you ..."
" France when she was nine years old and then to India when she was 14. Rita decided to repatriate to the U.S. to attend university after graduation from her international secondary school in India. The repatriating TCK may be returning to their passport country with or without his/her parents. ..."
"...that does not usually crop up until they repatriate, oftentimes for higher education. Until this time they haven’t had to examine the issue of belonging. Many TCKs feel they are more a part of the host culture in which they have been immersed than the culture or cultures their parents hail from. ..."
"...Dr. Useem continued to study expatriates when she returned to North America and found that while the repatriated parents were eventually able to slip back into their home culture, the children had a much more difficult time adjusting to that culture. The children were actually more comfortable being with others who had been in a similar situation. ..."
"...A Third Culture Kid (TCK) is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside the parents’ passport culture. The TCK builds relationships to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. Although elements from each culture are assimilated into the TCK’s life experience, the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar background. ..."
"...Basically what Useem, Pollock and Van Reken are all saying is a child is taken from the country of his or her parents or parent (the first culture) and raised in a host or multiple host countries (the second culture), but belonging is in that community of people who have shared a similar way of living. Finding commonality with others is what gives the sense of belonging regardless of their national, ethnic ..."
"...TCK has made many cross-cultural relocations. Right now you may be saying to yourself, “She’s not talking about me. I was born and raised in my host country. It’s the only place I consider home.” But think about it for a minute. Do you not go back to your parents’ passport country or countries to visit relatives every year or every other year? The typical TCK will come back “home” as their parents may call it, even though it may feel like anything but home to the TCK, regularly for an extended period of time, whether it is on ..."
"...2. They live in a highly mobile world. When TCKs move back and forth between host and home countries they must say good-bye to their friends in the host country and hello to grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and maybe old friends in the “home” country. Then, when the time comes to return to their host country, it means another round of good-byes to family and hellos to the friends they left behind. Even if this particular type of mobility does not apply to ..."
"...Despite having lived here for years, her parents still speak little or no English and keep the culture of their homeland within the walls of their home. This girl is crossing cultures every day. As a result, her personal identity is challenged. Because she has no one at home to help with scholastic challenges, Lisa asked me ..."
"... TCKs ▪ Domestic TCKs (like Lisa) ▪ Children of immigrants ▪ Children of refugee ▪ Children of minorities ▪ Children of bi-cultural parents The interesting thing is that children may have a foot in several of these categories. Look again at U.S. President Obama. He ..."
"...The interesting thing is that children may have a foot in several of these categories. Look again at U.S. President Obama. He is the child of bi-cultural parents, lived as a TCK in Indonesia, and had a parent of a racial minority. It is no surprise that, regardless of the sub-group, CCKs struggle with issues of identity and belonging. ..."

"...Ever since I was introduced to Dave Pollock’s five stages of the transition cycle, I have seen it evidenced in so many aspects of life. I watched as my parents went through it from involvement to re-involvement when they moved out of their home and into an assisted living community. A good friend who survived breast cancer explained to me how she experienced the five stages as she withdrew from friends and responsibilities to undergo chemo and radiation therapy ..."
" prepare them for attending university in their own country. Maureen Tillman, author of “College With Confidence,” is a licensed clinical social worker who understands well what it takes even for domestic students to make successful university transitions. She has a comprehensive psychotherapy service that supports American students and parents through the college experience, and I can tell you that she stays very busy. ..."

"...Sound familiar? The academic lethargy and mini-rebellion that popped up from seemingly nowhere around the winter holidays is suddenly upstaged by the urge to act like a clingy two-year-old just about spring break time. Not only that but parents will attest to the emotional swings of the “I want out now” and the “I’m not ready to leave” extremes on a day-to-day, hour-to-hour, or even minute-to-minute basis. ..."
"... chat as I fixed dinner. When I pointed out her long absences, she sighed and replied with a hint of sadness, “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be distant.” Then I realized this was her way of disengaging and separating from us, her parents. - Surrendering Roles and ..."
"...and everything is pointing to the promise of the future, you may be grieving the past and may try to hold onto it as long as possible. You may circulate yearbooks for signing, take tons of photographs for your albums and postpone your good-byes as long as possible. To parents, the summer after graduation may seem interminable. All your sons and daughters may want to do is hang out with their friends before they must, one by one, leave for university. ..."
"...Without realizing it, parents often do not allow themselves or their children to grieve. They tend to focus on the cognitive reasons for the move, rather than on the emotions created by the move. They can be so anxious for their children to settle in that instead of comforting them and acknowledging their ..."
"...It could be that parents often focus almost exclusively on the cognitive because it is too painful for them to work through their own feelings of loss. If parents recognize loss in their own world, they acknowledge the associated grief. If they comfort their children they are saying that they accept and understand their ..."
"...▪ Start thinking about what you will need in your new surroundings. There will be many things you never had to consider when going back on home leave for summer or holiday times. You didn’t have to. Your parents always handled those details. But now it is your turn, your responsibility to think about those particulars. What do you need to bring with you? What will you put into storage or leave at home? What will you take as opposed to buying once you’ve arrived? Following is a ..."
"... will be your system for communicating back home? ▪ Banking needs – checking account, credit card, ATM debit card? Will your parents be putting money into an account? How will they do that? How will you receive money from other sources? Going through and strapping each of the four logs ..."

Chapter 4: Fish Out of Water
" tell students who cannot go home for that first vacation when the campus clears out that they need to make other arrangements to get away. This may happen in the fall when a short, four-day weekend is given as a reprieve just before or after fall weekend when parents and alumni visit. North American college campuses also tend to clear out at Thanksgiving and four days is just too short a break for an international student to make a visit home. ..."
"...and other university staff recognize how difficult it is for students who have nowhere to go at Thanksgiving and invite them to their homes for the day. Another time they are likely to offer their home is at parents’ Weekend when everyone else is walking around campus with their parents and siblings but not the international student whose parents couldn’t just hop a flight across the ocean for the weekend. Many colleges and universities have churches in the area that organize families who will look out for students at these times and also offer a get-away and a home-cooked ..."
"...Many students begin entertaining thoughts about transferring out to another school during this time. The majority of them don’t actually follow through because things start to get better. Panic phone calls home to sympathetic parents are not uncommon. They just need someone to talk to. Our semester abroad student’s journal entry at this time eloquently sums up the typical feelings in the transition stage: ..."

"...Many said they just rattled off a list of the places they had lived because they weren’t certain of what is really meant by ‘where are you from.’ It could be interpreted to mean the passport a TCK travels on, what their nationality is, where their parents are living now or where they grew up. Many TCKs become so frustrated with trying to explain where they are from that they give up. This was the case with Rita from Chapter 1, the American TCK who grew up in France and India and returned to the U.S. ..."
"...answer the “Where are you from?” question. It became uncomfortable and she relegated herself to being alone so she wouldn’t have to deal with it. In fact, she told me she felt such a sense of relief when she took her first holiday break and went to visit her grandparents in North Carolina. She didn’t feel different there. She was unconditionally loved and accepted and didn’t have to explain anything to anyone. ..."
"...keep busy and not have to deal with it because the more he reflected on it, the worse it got. He experienced homesickness for the first time in the second term. He did not seek the help of a mental health counselor but relied on phone calls to his parents. Roger now admits that he made the mistake of closing himself off as to ‘what’s next?’ and wasn’t mentally prepared to come back to the U.S. which is what may have triggered his emotional responses. ..."
"...▪ This is the time students feel ambivalent about being here and begin making appointments with their deans and advisors to talk about transferring or leaving. They may call home to tell their parents or high school guidance counselors they want to come home. They doubt themselves, their abilities, and their choice of college. They feel they don’t belong there. (Chapter 9 gets into some of the reasons for this and ways to avoid it.) ..."
"...parentsat my two daughters who have been through it. They both have best friends from the pre-orientation trip they opted into before the start of school. They bonded well with two or three other students in their small group. Then their group grew to include the roommates of their new ..."

"...The above analogy was given to me by a bi-national TCK who was born in and spent her lifetime in her father’s passport country but was attending college in the country of her mother’s passport, very near to where her maternal grandparents lived. She left behind a lot of history including a serious relationship she chose to end before leaving. She was struggling in her ability to move ahead and get settled in her new surroundings. ..."
"... choosing this college/university? ▪ How far is this school from your home? ▪ Have you lived in any other places? ▪ How often do you get to see your grandparents? ▪ What is the farthest place you have ever traveled to? ▪ What do you see yourself doing five years from now? ▪ ..."
"...Everyone worries whether they will be liked or not. Those first few weeks at college or university will be fraught with concerns like, “Am I talking too much or too loud? Am I being obnoxious? Should I speak up more or laugh more?” Despite the fact that most parents have been teaching their students since they were toddlers to be socially acceptable (“share your toys”), we all need to be reminded from time to time what it takes to “win friends and influence people” (Dale Carnegie). ..."
"...they feel more comfortable with foreign students because they share the cross-cultural experience and many also have had a highly mobile childhood. Whenever I speak to a group of foreign students I informally do a little survey and ask how many of them had spent time living outside their parents’ passport country as a child. Roughly a third of any given group also fit the definition of TCKs. It is no small wonder TCKs are attracted to internationals whether they are living outside or within their home country. They have that shared experience we talked about in Chapter 5. ..."
"...Online communities like are growing by the day. There are many out there. You just need to know where to look. TCKs come from many backgrounds depending on the type of work which took their parents overseas. They may be from the corporate sector, the military, missionary, foreign service, humanitarian/non-profit world, education and so forth. If you can identify your sector, you will most likely be able to find an online community already established for kids that have shared your particular lifestyle. For instance ..."

"...age, a transition which takes you from adolescence to adulthood. You will be leaving behind the rules and the dependence that go with childhood and stepping forward to gain the freedom and independence of young adulthood. Other than budgetary restrictions imposed by those who hold the purse strings (your parents or caretaker or college financial aid office), you are free to decide what to do about most aspects of your life – your bedtime hour, what you eat, what you do in your spare time and where you go. ..."
"... “Before you make a choice, take a decision or act on something, ask yourself three questions: 1) Will it hurt me? 2) How will my parents react to what I’ve done? 3) Can I live with the consequences of my actions?” Preaching aside, there are many preparations to be carried out ..."
"... country of their expertise. - Think Ahead - Eliminate unnecessary stress. Get as many practical things in place as early as possible. The following list offers a few suggestions, but you or your parents are likely to come up with more: Sign up for first semester course ..."
"... or apartment. Formulate a realistic budget with your parents. Besides tuition and room and board (which they may take care of on their end), there is also the cost of text books, socializing, health care, weekends spent away, transportation and more. What are the expectations? Discuss banking ..."
"... Students services. ▪ Decide when you will inform your parents if you get in trouble, become very ill or have an accident. In the U.S. parents must have permission by the student (if they are over age 18) to speak to their health care providers, teachers or deans. - Comfort Items - ..."
"...note worth mentioning on Brent’s case study is the fact that his family relocated from Europe back to the U.S. when he graduated from high school. So his life there was finished. He wouldn’t see his friends again at school vacations. He would go home to the place his parents settled for school breaks but didn’t really know anyone there. Brent couldn’t wait to go to Holland for his junior year semester abroad. I spoke with him when he returned and he sounded much more content and self-satisfied. He said that going back to Europe, even though it ..."
"...Your parents have been preparing you for this scenario since the day of your birth. They have weaned you off the bottle, taught you to feed yourself, use the potty by yourself, dress yourself and now, take responsibility for yourself. There comes a day when you are the one who is ..."
"...that umbilical chord is severed and you have your new wings, but it can also be a little scary and lonely. parents are no longer around to bail you out. In fact, unless it is an emergency or something that would threaten your continued attendance at the school, your parents may remain oblivious to your escapades. You are 18 years old now, an adult who is legally responsible for your own behavior. Many schools assign student advisors to their first-year students who can help in the adjustment process. They are there to guide you and give out advice, but ..."
"...Getting a good education aside, the college experience is also a journey into maturity. At least that’s what parents would like to believe they are paying for. Not only are you responsible for your behavior but also for your health, your security, your grades, your social life, and your spending, among other things. It would be wise to understand what expectations your parents have before you embark on ..."
"...Speaking of purse strings, as was mentioned earlier, setting up a budget with your parents before leaving home will help defray potential panic situations that may involve the necessity of a phone call to parents who may be dead asleep in another time zone. It will also help you determine whether a part-time campus job will be necessary to get you through the semester. ..."
"...expensive part of the world, you may find things so much more economical in your new setting. However, if you are transitioning from a developing country where essentials are relatively inexpensive, you may be overwhelmed with the cost of living expenses. In either case, do your homework with your parents ahead of time to determine your financial needs. You may want to search the internet for stores in your area to get an idea of the cost of things compared to where you are now living. Here are some things you will need to think about when making a ..."
"...Authors Coburn and Treeger in Letting Go – A parents’ Guide to Understanding the College Years quotes one college sophomore “who spent her first few months at college in turmoil after experimenting with drugs and alcohol” as saying, “The only thing I wish is that my parents had prepared me better for what I might face in college. There was never a discussion about sex, drugs or even money management…” ..."
"...Not all parents are comfortable, nor are they prepared to discuss such delicate topics with their children. Or commonly parents’ attempts to engage offspring in such conversations are met with rolling eyes, muffled remarks or literally waving their parents off as not having a clue about these things. Young adults forget their ..."

"...Along with good eating comes regular exercise. The combination of the two will keep you energized and focused. Unlike back in my time or your parents’ time, colleges and universities today compete to attract students. One way of doing that is to provide state-of-the-art exercise rooms, pristine swimming pools, and a plethora of playing fields. Lack of facilities or equipment will not be an excuse for not exercising. ..."
"...In the aftermath of the Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University (Virginia Tech) massacre in April 2007, concerns of safe campuses have become a priority for students, parents and administrators. Historically parents and students would not have dreamed they would have to be concerned about a matriculated student committing mass murder on campus. Today, along with other issues concerning personal safety, it does cross their minds. The good news is that institutions of higher learning are taking ..."
"...Many colleges and universities have set up detailed and intricate systems of immediately notifying students as well as their parents if a security incident is taking place, complete with information on where to go and what to do. Many colleges have switched over to the electronic student ID card that must be swiped to gain access to dorms and other services. Students are given emergency numbers for calling campus ..."
"...If you get money to cover your expenses for the whole term or school year (from your parents or guardian or from a financial aid package), put all the money for months beyond the current one in your savings account. Then, each month, transfer the amount you need for the month to your checking account. That way your money will last for the entire term or school ..."
"...out. My bank, for example, let my oldest daughter have a credit card from them when she was 20 years old by just filling out an application. My second daughter went in to apply when she was 20, but could only obtain a ‘secured’ card, meaning that we, her parents, needed to put down a $1,000 safety net before she was approved. If she demonstrates she can handle credit responsibly by paying the card off each month, the security deposit will be returned to us after 12 months ..."

"...When I was a young girl I often clashed with my parents who believed that I should get along with everybody and that no one should be left out. I disagreed with them, giving my judgment about this or that stupid girl. I remember them arguing with me, but I would not budge. I had made up my mind that Mary ..."

"...Some of us will have difficulty resisting the urge to be helicopter parents and continue to hover over our children. Others of us will gleefully send them off on their way as responsible adults and begin to carve out new lives for ourselves by making plans to travel more or begin a new career. Most of us will fall somewhere in the ..."
"...That being said, it is important to note that our children are not the only ones going through transition. Dave Pollock’s transition model applies to parents at this stage in their life as well, whether they will be empty nesters or not. You too, may be able to put a name to the stages as you go through them. Not everyone will go through them the same way and even husbands and wives may find ..."
"...Empty nest syndrome refers to the feelings of grief, sadness, loneliness, or loss parents or guardians, particularly women, experience when their children leave home. It is normal and expected, and as was my case, it can actually begin before the child or children have physically left the home. However, if you begin to experience symptoms of depression that prevent you from moving ahead ..."
" get used to their absence, students come back home for a school break and everything changes. They have been living on their own and have grown used to setting rules for themselves as to what and when they eat, sleep, socialize, study and more. Heads will butt if parents expect these independent young adults to follow the old high school house rules when they are back for holidays. That’s not to say you can’t suggest they observe reasonable limits so as not to upset the household. It is also worth thinking about what you will and will not ..."
"...was able to get down to the bottom of it to understand what went wrong and what part he or she might have played in it. It’s too uncomfortable so he or she just shrugged it off and went on with life. This is the time when we, as parents, may need to step in and help our children face the hurts and disappointments, ask for or grant forgiveness and reconcile relationships. Start by asking them if there is anyone they have unfinished business with. Questions to ask include: ..."
"... - The summer before the start of university is a truly bizarre and completely incomprehensible time. It is the leaving stage at its height, full of see-sawing emotions and ambiguity. parents need to allow the young person (and their siblings) the time and space to leave and grieve. - ..."
"...not wanting to. There is an inner struggle to act like a child, because this may be the last opportunity to do so, or start acting like the adult they are expected to be. They end up behaving like both practically simultaneously, often confusing themselves as well as their parents. ..."
"...As parents we need to be diligent about not giving advice when that is not what our son or daughter is asking for or being critical or judgmental of anything they have shared with us which could blow the trust and confidence of our relationship. What kids really want are listeners. ..."
"...At some point in time before the blast-off to college, parents will want to hold a fairly one-sided discussion with their student and lay forth some expectations. Having this discussion gives both sides of the equation the confidence to know that there is a structure in place and a road map to follow. Following are some of the expectations you ..."
"...Books such as Manage Your Student Finances Now!: Easy Ways to Balance Your Budget at University and College by Keith Houghton can help your student get started thinking about financial health at school. For parents with students in U.S. schools, the College Board puts out a wonderful parents’ guide called Meeting College Costs: What You Need to Know Before Your Child and Money Leave Home. It is particularly useful in working your way through the maze of financial aid. ..."
"...which can be more economical that using the university phone service. Students tend to use their cell phones to text message each other their location, plans for the evening and where to meet up to have a meal together rather than making calls and using up their minutes. Many parents prefer their child has a cell phone for emergency purposes. By the time you have bought ..."
"...Email isn’t in-your-face. They can decide to look at it when they are ready (in the mood) to look at it. They can take a study break and send out long newsy mails. They can use email to zip off a quick request or to briefly touch base so parents don’t worry. They can do it on their own time. ..."
"...More and more parents today are learning how to text and IM in order to keep up with their sons and daughters. You too, may want to learn how to upgrade your communications, particularly when the emails stop coming as regularly as you would like. Choose a phone plan that supports unlimited texting ..."
"...Regardless of the communication tool used, students just want to know their parents are still available to them, available for the occasional advice, a sympathetic ear over a break-up or friend problems or just to hear news from home. How fortunate we are in this day and age to have so many vessels at hand to support our children, some of ..."
"...and social pressures than we experienced a generation ago. Fewer restrictions are in place to guide their behavior and repercussions for debauchery are seldom pursued to the extent they have been in the past. Despite the eye-rolling and “Yeah-what- do-you-know-about-it?” facial expressions our students display, they benefit immensely from parents holding frank discussions about the temptations they will face and the situations they are likely to encounter as well as what parental expectations will be as far their responses are concerned. I remind you of the sophomore girl’s quote from Coburn and Treeger’s Letting Go: A Parent’s Guide to ..."
"... in the surrounding town. If all else fails, students can try applying for an off-campus job over the summer for the next school year. - parents’ Weekend - If you or another relative cannot be there for Parents’ and Alumni Weekend, help your student make plans to be off campus or have a ..."
"...parentsor another relative cannot be there for parents’ and Alumni Weekend, help your student make plans to be off campus or have a relative or well-liked family friend visit your student for the weekend activities. This popular weekend is scheduled in the fall and comes right about the time your ..."
"...Some schools will arrange to have students, particularly internationals whose parents are not likely to be there, take a weekend excursion to a nearby big city to experience the attractions. Many schools have professors who love to entertain students in their homes during this time and surrounding churches also have members who look out for international students at this time. ..."
"...The experts I have heard speak to parents of graduating secondary school students suggest we do not do makeovers of our students’ rooms. That is a temptation difficult to avoid when for so many years we may have been saying to ourselves, “I can’t wait to have my own office on the second floor,” or “Wouldn’t it ..."
"...When I give my “Transitioning Successfully for University” seminar in international schools I always spend an evening with parents reviewing some of the same material and presenting some things just for their ears as I am doing here. I always make a point to go over with them the difference between the sadness and depression I talk about in Chapter 4. Your children will quite naturally experience bouts ..."
"... or ▪ Isolating him or herself from others, you need to notify someone on campus. It could be the Dean of Students, Dean of Freshmen, or the campus health center. Your parents’ Handbook will offer suggestions for the best person to call. - Fostering Global Identities - ..."
"...Dr. Schaetti advises parents not to help their children avoid encounter. Until they experience encounter they will not be able to understand how growing up internationally has given them unique gifts, experiences and knowledge they will be able to use in their futures. At the same time, parents should not rush their children ..."
"...While your TCK is in the “Exploration” stage of identity development, the question of nationality typically pops up. While the country of their parents is stamped on the front of their passports, it doesn’t really sing to them. Their host country may feel more like “home” to them. Children don’t understand when their parents excitedly talk about returning “home.” To them it is as though they are relocating to yet another foreign land. ..."
"...him different from his home-country peers. Have some fun and role play with her how she plans to introduce herself or answer the question, “Where are you from?” Spend some time together on reading over the open Forum comments. It is a real eye-opener for TCKs and parents alike. ..."
" test these cultural rules as their home-country peers would for many reasons. Sometimes just when a teenager is ready to start exerting some independence, the family is uprooted once more and, instead of going out on his own with his buddies, he is stuck hanging out with his parents because he doesn’t know anyone yet in this new place. Or perhaps he was about to start taking driving lessons but in the new country he isn’t allowed to drive for another two years. ..."
"...Often the normal adolescent process of testing or rebelling against parental and societal rules has to wait for later and, much to the dismay of their parents, that time could be while they are in college. Some TCKs have had to remain true to a certain expectation of behavior for so long that the freedom they feel upon leaving home for the first time releases them to dive into all the forbidden fruit. The resulting behavior ..."
"... parental or otherwise. - Negative Attention - Sometimes the rebellion is a way to get attention from parents who are so far away. This happened to family friends whose daughter went back to the United States for college. - Anger - We have talked a lot about grief in the ..."
" with them and come to closure so they do not have to deal with issues of unresolved grief like our friend Brice’s story. Anger is an expression of unresolved grief and may manifest itself in this time of delayed adolescent rebellion. Oftentimes this anger is directed at the parents, the perceived cause of the pain they are experiencing. The blame for all that is wrong in their lives may be shifted to parents who they feel gave them no voice in relocation after relocation. ..."
"...Delayed adolescent rebellion can be either constructive or destructive. Although painful for parents to witness, it is constructive if it serves to move the young adult towards independence. Knowing about delayed adolescent rebellion may help everyone be aware of it as soon as it happens and deal with it before it gets out of hand. ..."
"...The realm of issues parents of college-age children deal with is so vast and varied that it is not possible to touch upon them all. I have tried to cover some of the particular concerns I and other parents of repatriating global nomads have found to be particularly meaningful. My sincere wish is ..."

"...of that time and earlier struggled to make meaning out of their travels; today they know that skill development is core to their life satisfaction, and in striking numbers they are using the situations of difference and change in which they find themselves to augment their intercultural competence. Expatriate parents of thirty and more years ago had no articulated knowledge of the benefits and challenges of raising their children abroad; today they are introducing their children to their global nomad/TCK heritage at earlier and earlier ages, helping to ensure that as young adults they know they have something unique ..."
" can give yourself. There’s nothing else available like it. I recommend you put it in your suitcase, right along with a copy of Third Culture Kids: The Experience of Growing up Among Worlds. Better yet, read both books ahead of time, give copies to your parents, teachers, and friends, and discuss the core ideas together. And if you’ve already made the transition to university, I still recommend this book to you; it is an important resource for you and your friends retroactively as well as proactively. ..."

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Cross-cultural Kid
Empty Nest Syndrome
TCK - Third Culture Kid
Unresolved Grief

"This book is filled with superb materials to help global nomads stay the course during their transition to university. Tina..."

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