Does our childhood experience control how we feel about ourselves into adulthood?

Answer

When I began working as a counsellor I discovered it is invariably what we experience as a child (most of which we do not remember clearly as we grow up) which continues to control what we feel about ourselves into adulthood, at times creating feelings of anxiety and depression. While significant events like death, divorce and illness can disrupt what might have been a happy family life, I found through working with clients that it is more often how children are treated and handled by parents, educators and carers, and what children are told (or not told) which determines their level of happiness and feeling of self-worth as they develop.

People often tell me "I remember very little about my childhood". The truth is that our unconscious mind and our body never forget. Bringing to consciousness feelings that have been suppressed can lead to significant change and to far greater happiness.

In the first chapter of "The Longest Journey: Finding the True Self" the way that particular clients were wounded in childhood is explored and the healing process of counselling is introduced.

One of the first steps when an individual comes to counselling is to explore the family relationships, the early childhood and personal experience of what it meant to be part of that particular family. Clients are encouraged to consider what their parents' relationship was like, how they handled stress and whether they had an addiction. Young children invariably feel they are at fault when parents fight or separate and even when they die.

Clients begin to understand how they came to be the way they are in their own lives as they recognise the impact of their relationship with both parents during childhood.

Exploration of the family background and relationships with parents in early years nearly always throws light on the choice of a partner as well as on the presenting issues.

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