Widowhood the journey to where?
Answer
Widowhood 101 is the story of my journey into widowhood and the things I learned during that first year after the death of my husband. Becoming a widow is not a choice thing, it happens and when it does you suddenly find yourself on a journey through unknown territory. This journey through Widowhood is not easy, it is the discovery of the self that you now become. The journey from we to me is difficult and complicated as you are grieving the loss of your soul mate, the dreams that you held and the plans that you have made. During that time you are also learning to deal with all the practical things in life without the support you had when there were two of you.Practical things are difficult when you have not done them alone or have never done them, but you have to learn these skills. You also have a reduced income and that can cause financial hardship while you are still sorting out the bills. Death is expensive and there are always bills to sort out, the estate and other issues before you can balance the books and learn to live on less and to budget to maximise the income.
This journey also encompasses massive change, change in attitude, change in thoughts and change in life style, all these changes can be bewildering, frightening and just plain too soon. Change is a part of our lives, but that change must be initiated by the widow or widower and at a time that is right for the person making the journey. It is not wise to be talked into change of any sort too quickly during the initial period of grief.
I also cover the journey that I made from an emotional point of view as that is also a major factor in the first weeks as a widow. This journey is currently not completed, but I am learning and writing more about this as I travel the widow road.
Search result for 'Change' in Widowhood 101
Chapter 3:
I can deal with more things than I thought
"...Changer was the biggest learning curve for me while he was alive and he taught me to put air in the tyres, water in the radiator and oil in the engine. He taught me how to check the gearbox oil, the power steering fluid and the brake fluid. Just as ..."
"...Changeg for one has also meant Change in my routine and it is one of the hardest things I have learned to do. It is a major challenge after so long with a family to cook for and then just Keith and I. The adjustment has been huge and it ..."
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"...Changee “what ifs” after an event will not Change that event no matter how much we would like too. Dwelling on the things that might have been sent me into a spiral of self-pity and depression. That depression was deep and some days I know it’s still there to a ..."
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"...Changety is where I run too when things are really bad. I can’t sit still and mope, feeling sorry for myself is just not going to happen to me. When things are very bad I attack the garden. It’s very overgrown now after a few years of neglect due to ..."
"...Changee is also important for me as a way of keeping me “up”. I try to balance my life with time with friends, time alone and time for group activities. The group I belong to does volunteer work during storm season and other weather events during the year. We are ..."
"...Change spend a lot of hours with my grandchildren. It is a pleasure to have them stay overnight and keep me company. The noise and laughter is something that makes the house ring and live again. So very different from the days when I am alone and the house is ..."
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"...Changenow that the hard work that I have done since Keith died has brought a lot of improvement to the house and in lots of ways has Changed the look of the house and brought it back to the way it looked before Keith got so sick that I could ..."
"...Changerson told me it looked so very different now and they felt that I was pushing Keith out of my life with these Changes. Nothing could be further from the truth though. The kitchen renovations were planned months before he died and he had a big hand in the planning ..."
"...Changemily room is where he died and was overdue for Change well before his death. It is due to be painted as some of the paint is now peeling and the walls need washing due to the smoke from the open fire that has accumulated in the room. I have ..."
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Chapter 10:
Be yourself, do not let others change you
"...Changef the reason for this chapter is that over the last year people have tried to Change the person I am becoming to suit them. This is something that I have become increasingly unhappy with and am now standing up and saying no. The person some people wish me to ..."
"...Changeeople have suggested that I go into nursing or aged care and my first response is a flat no. I won’t go back into that life. After 25 years I have retired from nursing other people, even loved ones, as I don’t feel I have anymore to give at this ..."
"...Changerson I am is a combination of the person I was during the years I nursed Keith and the person his death has made me. I am stronger now than I ever knew I was, this strength has been hard won and will not be allowed to slip away under ..."
"...Change to those who would wish Change on those that have lost their soul mate. This is not an illness that we are recovering from this is a massive Change and it does Change us from the people we were to someone that is stronger, tougher and who may not ..."
"...Change can be good for us I know, but Change forced by others is not good as we grow away from the person we truly are into something forced and fake. I have always tried to live my life by being true to me and to the people around me. ..."
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Chapter 12:
Learn to like to be alone, alone is good for you
"...Change all I feel that the alone time has been good for me as I’ve had the time to mourn, the time to come to terms with massive Change and the time to reflect on the life I had and the life I would like in the future. Many decisions ..."
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Chapter 13:
Think before you commit to change
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"... for us.
I know of many widows and widowers who during the first weeks and months have made major life Changes that they have lived to regret. Those Changes pulled the past away far too quickly and brought an empty future into their lives before they had the time to digest the past.
Our ..."
"...Changeved ones try during those first few weeks to think of what might be best for us, but that is not something that I would encourage. They may be trying hard to help but that help may not be the right thing for the widow or widower. Other’s plans for ..."
"...Changed discourage families and friends from trying to persuade the bereaved to make Change during the first few weeks or months as this Change, unless necessary, is a stumbling block for the grief and while a widow or widower is grieving hard they should not be pressured into Change. Time ..."
"...Changehanges I know about involved moving from the home that had been shared with a partner and the time spent packing up the house and all the things that they had shared together during the time of the relationship was an overwhelming task. Many of these Changes were not forced ..."
"...ChangeChanges can be made during the first few days of grieving and even the littlest Change can form the core of the snowball that becomes depression. Those small Changes range from the type of service wanted by their loved one to the choice of burial or cremation. Sometimes the person ..."
"...Change is not always bad during this time, but we are facing the biggest Change in our lives too. It is always a good idea to weigh up Changes before you commit to them and to think through that Change. If you cannot see things working out at the time ..."
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"...Change that the last chapter covers not rushing Change in the last paragraph, but I did want to write briefly about the rush that is sometimes forced on us to Change things after death. This rush is something that society tends to bring to the fore during this time by ..."
"...Change Changes in me had happened slowly over the years of care giving it was also Change that could not be rushed during those first few weeks. I am sorry to say that I will never regain the person I was before Keith died and before I became his caregiver. ..."
"...Changeansition from being partnered is a rushed Change and happens in an instant, but other Change should not be rushed at this time. As I have stated before it is not necessary to rush Change and ill-considered Change is not conducive to a healthy state of mind. In fact during ..."
"...Changenow that I fought to keep things the same and not to Change too much during the first few months. Small Changes came in time, but major Changes that had not been planned prior to Keith’s dying were delayed and there are still some Changes that I am not ready ..."
"...Changetal state is currently good, but I have had issues with depression and most of that is due to the major Change in my life when Keith died. I feel now that I am getting strong enough to make more Change, but will think long and hard before I decide ..."
"...Change found that discussing Change with people close to me gives me insight into where I would like to go and what I would like to do in the future. For me it is my daughter who is my closest confidant and we have had many discussions about where I ..."
"...Changeeryone is blessed with this closeness with their children, but most of us have close and trusted friends and can talk through things with them. I do hope that my readers have that and are able to bounce ideas for Change around, as there are pitfalls that we do not ..."
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"... in the right headspace to do so.
Mentally Change is difficult, but over time Change will happen when we are ready for it. In the mean time waiting until you are mentally ready for Change is a good thing and you will make any Changes at the right time for you.
..."
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"...Changecomes a time for all of us when Change is inevitable, but that Change must be our choice. Even after discussion with others and going through the process of decision to Change parts of our lives we may not always ready to rush headlong into this Change. It is very ..."
"...Changeidows and widowers have been talked into making those Changes long before they are ready to do so and have many regrets that the persuaded. I do know that families and friends believe they are trying to do things for our benefit, but there are times when rushing into Change ..."
"...Changegh I have made Changes in my life during the last few months most Changes have been of my own making and my own decision. Those Changes have been taken slowly and I have taken steps just one at a time. I did rush into one Change and will probably ..."
"...Change the choices at the time that is right for you and in the way that is right for you is something that we all have the right to do. I remember recently after a long conversation about a possible Change I was considering in my life being told by ..."
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Chapter 16:
Take time and be kind to yourself, even just a few minutes to enjoy the sunrise, sunset or a garden
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"... the play of the colours across the sky.
Nature has always been a joy to me and to be able to sit and just watch the Changes that nature brings into my world is one of the ways I have found to take time. It’s something just for me to enjoy.
Sitting by the river here in town brings ..."
"...Changeg by the river here in town brings back memories of Keith and I walking beside it over the years and the many conversations we had about our lives. Much of our lives were spent watching the water and the Changes and ripples of the currents. Many days I can ..."
"...Changeese things do not have to take a great deal of time out of your day, even just a few stolen minutes every day or every few days have refreshed me and given me space in my mind for me and to be able to process the Changes that being ..."
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Chapter 17:
Relax you have done enough
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"... I am learning to relax now, it’s taking time, but I am getting there. I know it’s not been long and I cannot expect to Change the ingrained habits of 25 years in such a short space of time. I have the time to learn to do this though and am enjoying the freedom just to be able to relax now.
..."
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Chapter 18:
Learn to enjoy life again
"...Changeys of watching my grandchildren grow and mature. They are now growing into young men and those young men can frustrate me, irritate me and bring me great pride too. It’s a joy watching them Change from children to young men and to know that even though they still miss ..."
"...Changey of friendships both old and new is also something that I treasure. As I have said I am now rebuilding friendships from the past as they have Changed with my necessary withdrawal to mourn. I am also building new friendships and in those friendships I am finding kinship with ..."
"...Changey I am finding in writing again is also special. I have always written and always found joy in words. Now that joy is turning into the poetry and prose that finds its way from my mind to the page on a daily basis. When I am writing I take ..."
"...Changeent and joy are there for me again, not always, but life is not all “beer and skittles” as Keith used to say and still has its ups and downs. It’s just that the joy has returned. The joy that I thought has been taken with the loss of my ..."
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"...Changeing the dreams of the past into the future is an incredible opportunity for me to build the life I want and to become a Changed me. This future is not what I had hoped for, but one I think I always knew I would have because of the age ..."
